i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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