Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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