I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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