My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
