until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
