Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
