I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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