Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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