Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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