drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
