I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
