My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
