ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
