if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
