Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
