so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
