Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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