Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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