dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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