eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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