I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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