He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
