i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
