you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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