I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
