I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
