I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...