We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My ass is underappreciated
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
