one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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