I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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