It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
