Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
