whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
