You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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