I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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