It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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