I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
