Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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