it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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