he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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