My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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