who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
