The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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