we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
