it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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