I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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