someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ok first of all what the fuck
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
