just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
