I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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