i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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