Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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