I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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