She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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