he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize