Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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