Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she told me i tasted like america
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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