No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
