girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
