i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
