I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pooping to opera.
Randomize