Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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