I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize