I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
