I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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