if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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