we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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