dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
