I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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