Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
