Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
