honey bunches of taint.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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