Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
