Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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