I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
