my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
