Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
there's paper in my vomit.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
