i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
