he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
